New to the site. Found it by googling "what should I do if my wife is bipolar?"
Anyway, most of the time my wife and I are great. We got married in July after dating 8 months. Her problem reared its head early on but for some reason I just love this woman. I've also adopted (not legally, but effectively) her son she had when she was very young. He calls me daddy and has never had a father figure in his life. She woman had no real life plan before me. She was working a dead end job and living with her cousin because her mother passed away and father was never around. She grew up with an abusive stepfather, and has told me she was never happy at all until she met me. Now that we are married, I am now the "abuser." I am not at all abusive, but she insists all I do is cut her down and treat her horribly. We recently moved about 3 hours from our home to a new city so I can go to law school.
Now, I have confided in a few friends and family our troubles and wondered if I'm crazy and I just can't see how I'm abusive. Neither can they. I'm not at all abusive. I've spent thousands on this woman to make her happy, I'm a good father by her own admission to her son, and in general do anything I can to help her be happier and make her life easier. I even got her a very easy pay by the job legal job that takes about 2 hours a day to make way more than she's ever made before so she can spend more time with her son and basically be a housewife and still make money.
Last night we spent the evening carving pumpkins as a family, and this morning she woke up on a hell bent mission to get a divorce and prove I'm a horrible person. Every time she gets upset it's always the D word. After being married 3 months. This happens about once a week, some worse than others. Usually, its her drinking that sets her off. She gets totally shit faced wasted, and doesn't even remember the awful things she says to me, often in front of her son (who is autistic by the way). I myself do not prefer drinking, rather I like to smoke weed (legal in my state). I never get crazy and I am more of a quiet type and she is pretty extroverted. I feel like my weed smoking, in her mind, makes it okay for her to get wasted (like drinking 2 bottles of wine in a couple hours) because I'm smoking. But I don't do horrible things when I smoke, and when she's sober and I try to talk to her about it, that's a fight. In her mind, she honestly believes that I'm the bad guy.
And other times she tells me how lucky she is, that she's so happy she's found a father for her son and loves me so much, etc. Just prior to writing this post she told her son that he wasn't going to go by my last name anymore, and he wasn't going to see my mother (his grandmother) on Christmas because I am so mean to her. I'm so distraught. I do not know what to do. She doesn't see that it's in her mind and I am not a bad person. I've been a powerful force of good in her life. I honestly feel I made a mistake marrying her. I can't afford a divorce, but I know there has to be someone out there who is a better match for me. I'm afraid with her propensity of calling for a divorce, that once I'm actually an attorney making money, that she will file and I'll be stuck paying alimony and child support for a child that isn't even mine. I also don't want to go through a divorce right now because I'm in the middle of my first semester of law school and it itself is a huge amount of stress. I hate my life.
I have been married to my wife for 6 years and we have been great friends for 12 years.
I always knew my wife was unhappy but recently she's told me that the last 3-4 years; she has been unhappy being with me.
After we had our little girl, she became depressed and as a husband I failed to see the signs and chose to ignore them rather than to be there with my wife.
I don't even recall her approaching me about the subject, but being that I felt like our life was a series of unhappy moments, I chalked it up to just that; her being unhappy.
She met a colleague, male, and has become infatuated with him. He is wealthier than I am, they seem to connect easier; however he has two beautiful children and a beautiful wife and so much ahead of him.
She insists that her feelings for him are purely friendly, yet she claims that in another life with different circumstances she'd of rather been with him.
I helped my wife as much as I could, and still after her announcing to me that she wants to leave me, I can't help but feel happy around her.
We currently live in the same house since we do not currently have the finances to move on into different homes.
I always expected to live the rest of my days with this woman. Beautiful, caring, willing to do almost anything for anyone.
I am concerned if she is taking her medication but she has been keeping me at a good distance so it's difficult for me to keep her in check. I feel like I am crossing boundaries and have her blow up if I bring it up, bringing this already fragile friendship we currently have to an end.
It's been 2 weeks and I am still infatuated with her.
I am concerned over the well being of our 4 year old daughter, because if we decide that the best thing will be shared custody, it's important that my child is raised with love and respect. My wife tends to raise her a voice quite a lot with her, where-as I tend to get frustrated and just ask my daughter not to have myself repeated.
I've never screamed, yelled or hit either of the two.
The worst part of this, is that she does NOT believe her illness is what is making her believe she's sad with me. Sure, I wasn't always there. I didn't know how to approach her anymore. She claims I'm still a great and supportive husband, a great and loving father; but she can't find it in her to give me a chance.
I have an addictive personality and although I don't typically drink or do drugs, I don't smoke; I happened to play a lot of videogames that kept me distant from my wife all those years she needed me most.
Now that she's gone and slowly destroyed my concept of a married life, she's also been party to wrecking this other man's marriage. I don't keep up with their details anymore, I'm not a control freak, but I do know that she expresses her want for him and his touch on a daily basis.
I am infatuated with my wife. Addicted to her. To see her spiral herself into something she may never be able to come out from, is scary. I love her more than I could love anyone else. She didn't get what she wanted from our relationship and I'm constantly wondering if I could have done something better.
Her friends and family encourage the behavior and valour her for being strong and independent when I know for a fact that on her own, she's going to be a wreck for both herself and our daughter.
I keep wishing that it's all a bad dream, that I can regain my trust in her and her in me. But the fact remains that she has gone against everything her therapist and husband have told her, yet she keeps telling herself we are all wrong.
Part of me wants to believe that we are wrong. But I know better.
I just hope that others who read this will know that although you may love your wife unconditionally, and that everything you seek in her seems real; she does have an agenda. She does like to manipulate. And unless she seeks medical help, there is nothing for you to do.
Bipolars believe they are the only ones who are right. They believe that what they are doing can't be questioned or targeted. Ironically, if they put this mentality to their work lives, they become incredibly efficient and organized and build strong leadership skills...the problem is that they tend to break down very quickly and within short time they may regret what they've done when it's too late.
I still love my wife and will love her until the day I die. I just wish she could feel the same about me. Bipolarism, not the person, is a bitch.
I really enjoy reading other peoples stories dealing with bipolar spouses because it puts me at ease. I have been struggling with this problem for almost 6 years now and I had no idea what was going on. I have been with my wife for almost 6 years and married for two. Shortly after my daughter was born she slipped into depression. She visited a doctor and was diagnosed with post partum depression. She was put on medication for depression and meds to help her sleep. Just before this time I did slip up and spoke to an ex girlfriend on Facebook. Nothing sexual and it didn't go on for long. My wife (girlfriend at the time) took it as I was sleeping around and blames that for her depression. Fast forward about 5 years and we have had some ups and downs. We got married in 2012 and there were a few nights she just randomly took her rings off and said she wanted a divorce because she couldn't deal with what happened so long ago. I later found out that she stopped taking her medication because she felt she didn't need it. After she got back on her meds she was fine.
Here is where the real issues begin. Early 2013 we made a move north to be close to family. It was pretty stressful but I thought we were fine. My wife ran into an ex who also happens to be a biological father to one of her children but was never in his life. Suddenly these two start speaking constantly. I am talking 3-4 hours each day talking on the phone and constant texting. Because I knew something was up I checked her phone one night and found dirty text messages between them. My wife also joined a gym and would go from 7pm-1am and come home like she never worked out. One night I left my phone in the car and tracked it to his house so my suspicions were right. She was using the gym as a cover up to see this man. We fought of course and she told me she wanted a divorce, didn't love me and ended up moving in with this man taking the kids along. This lasted about a week and she was back asking me to forgive her. I of course did because we are married and I took vows to be with this woman forever. I noticed her and them man were still talking constantly and after about a week of being back together she moved out again and in with him. This time it lasted about a month. One day she asked me to bring her lunch for work because she was broke and she just broke down crying asking me to forgive her and lets move back in together. I took her back and said this would be the last time and she agreed to cut off all contact with this man. However that did not happen. He stuck around to talk to his son and a few months later my wife and him were back to sneaking around. At this point she moved back in with this man once again and took the kids with her. She ended up with an engagement ring from the man and he bought her a car to help with the kids. This only lasted a few weeks and of course she asked for me back. I told her I Loved her and would give her one final chance but we have to agree to move away to get away from him and everything that causes this. Now after all this I knew she was bi polar but it was never diagnosed. She would not go see a DR.
Fast forward to now. We moved from Delaware to Florida, and everything was fine for a few months. We were happy and she found a job she liked. She was always a house wife so this is something that I thought would help her. We made a deal that whoever found a better job with a normal schedule would work and the other would stay home with the kids during the summer and then find a job. Unfortunately I think the stress of working to pay the bills was too much for her. I found out that she emailed the man telling him she missed him and they started talking again. She would disappear for hours and I noticed the text and minutes went up like crazy on our cell plan. She finally told me she did not love me and she only came back in the past for financial reasons. We fought some but I was done at this point. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me...fool me four times...NO WAY! She ended up trying to overdose on Xanax and ended up being committed by the state for suicide watch for 3 days. They finally diagnosed her with Bipolar 1 and it all became totally clear after finding sites like this.
So the man shows up in Florida and of course comes over while I am at work. They Facetime and text constantly. My wife and I planned on getting a divorce this time but suddenly she comes back around like before. She starts being extra nice and kissing me and even invited me back to our bed after sleeping on the couch for almost 2 months. I love this woman but this is no life to live for anyone and not good for our 3 kids to witness every few months. Sadly I don't think this man knows what he is in for. His last visit he bought her another car because her last one was totaled and we were sharing our van. I also noticed another engagement ring on her Amazon wish list. It is all fun and games while they live 1000 miles apart but this life is now fun. I want to pack up and run but I fear for my daughter and I don't like the idea of giving up on someone who really is ill.
Sadly my wifes oldest son is BP2 and has very bad mood disorders. He does not respect me at all and speaks down to me constantly. When my wife and I get in these situations he gets worse because he feels that I am not important and not in charge of him. I hate to say I would ever give up on a child but when an 11 year old speaks down to you like a little kid every day it is hard to have any type of father son relationship.
I have already decided that I need therapy after all this no matter what happens. After this relationship I fear that I will not know how to act in a normal relationship.
Sorry for the long rant. I have never spoken about this other then to my parents. Thanks for anyone who took the time to read.
I am at a cross road being married more than 22 years and cannot exactly say I have had a month where I can say was never subject to verbal abuse from my wife . I am not exactly a good person but make sure I ensure I provide for her every need even to the point of depriving my self.
When I say not good and have been a contributor to things by drinking heavily and fantasies about affairs leaving information on phones and computer which she has found and even through these are things way in the past its every opportunity they are thrown at me including abuse in calling me names degrading of being a man.
I work out offshore and not even safe there as she will attack me via BBM or email and when I gey home must just pretend nothing has happened as she now is out of that Phase which also happens when I am home.
I am afraid now that I not falling into her trap which is trying to justify and argue and have also curbed my drinking she is becoming more violent , has attacked me and also my big daughter
Do I get out as she will not try to manage her illness and uses all this what she considers affairs and says we hate her the people supporting her .
I would like to hear if anyone has a spouse who take pleasure in dehumanize you and making sure anything you did even if you have apologized is played to you over and over
I came across the website and was intrigued because you never usually find anything these days that have something to support husbands. As I suspected it's like most other websites of this nature in fact the stories are all the same. My wife is Bipolar type 1 and we have been married for almost 12 years. I believe she may also have borderline personality disorder. I'm not a doctor but I have read quite a bit about it and she has almost every symptom. I know there are a lot of you out there that is hoping that your situation will get better. I hate to be the one to tell you this but unless your wife wants to manage this disease the way it is suppose to be managed then there is no hope. My wife is a nurse and a master manipulator. She knows exactly what to tell her doctor what not to tell her doctor. For example, my wife is suppose to take 60 mg of adderall each day just to get out of bed. Yet most days she takes 90mg. If she admitted to her doctor what she was doing he would drop her in a heart beat. She has to take 800mg of seroqoul along with clonzapam just to sleep.
Quick background. I had a son when I was 18, mom got into drugs, I took custody. when he was 7 I met a young lady(20 at the time) and we quickly fell in love, had a daughter, and got married. Over the years we've had ups and downs, now we're real down.
As our relationship progressed we failed to take care of it, and when she was 24 (2008)she cheated and ran out on me. She left for 4 months, then came back. During the time she was gone, myself and the 2 kids did very well after the initial shock and my depression.
Of course it didn't take long to fall back into a rut, and really neither of us worked on the relationship. Never got counseling like we said we would either.
In 2011 she went out one night, and didn't come home, didn't call, nothing. She came home the next day, and I knew she'd been with another man. She of course denied it. After this last event, she admitted it. I knew, she knew I did, and there was never any discussion further about it.
Back in February 2013 she called faintly to me from the living room. She had had a severe asthma attack. I barely got out there and she fell back dropping her breathing treatment mask. She went blue quickly. I screamed for My son, as I put her on the floor and started CPR. He called 911. She nearly died on our living room floor in front of the kids. She was in ICU in an induced coma for a few days, then moved to a regular room for another 6.
Then in October 2013 she had a bad attack again, this time I got her to the hospital quickly. They did the induced coma in ICU for a few days again, then another 5 days in a regular room.
Both times it was her failing to take care of her asthma.
She's been on pain management for a broken rib from the CPR that wont heal. She takes vicodin, and I had recently suspected she was abusing it. She was drinking almost nightly, and shes not a drinker. I recently found out from another neighbor she'd been getting a lot of preddisone(steroid) from her claiming she was having breathing problems.
About a month ago I knew something was up. I'd seen these signs and behavior in her before. It all blew up one day when I opened the door to go out and the neighbor guy was walking straight towards the door with a big smile, then saw it was me and turned.
With her odd behavior I confronted her about it. She said she hadn't been with him, though my gut knew different. I wanted to believe her, the neighbor is black, and my wife is racist(I'm not). She said she wanted a divorce. I was blown away. She went to the neighbors that night and spent the night. The guy I suspected she'd been with works the night shift so he wasn't there, and shes friends with a lady who lives there also. The next night she slept on the couch at my house. The neighbors were concerned the ordeal would cause them disturbance.
I'm not sure why I did it, but while she was sleeping I looked at her phone. She had been making plans for a fuck date with the neighbor guy! I woke her up and confronted her, she admitted she'd slept with him, and a big fight ensued. I wanted her out, she wanted me to give her money to leave, of course I wouldn't. She was screaming and following me around, I locked myself in the car, and called her sister to come get her. It was a crazy I'd never really seen out of her. We don't fight like that.
The next day I called her, I wanted a signature to remove her from the lease. She told me she was in the ER, so I'd have to go up there to get it signed. When I got there I quickly realized it wasn't for her asthma, she was under a nurses watch. She said she wanted to kill herself, or someone else, so she'd checked herself in. That's when she dropped the next bomb, she'd slept with my brother in law!!
WTF?? I was shocked, disbelief!! Neither of these guys are at all even her type!!
Well she was admitted to the psyche ward. Stayed there for a week and a half. Now shes in a 90 live in mental health home.
Yup, you all already knew this, she was diagnosed as Bipolar and ocd.
So now I'm reading everything I possibly can about bipolar. So many things make sense now! I'd always just thought that was just the way she was. From different things I'd seen and knew when she was acting different. Her mood swings, stages of depression, all sorts of behavior. Saying things like "do hear that?" I always thought I just hadn't heard it, didn't pay it any mind. Yup, hallucinations. She'd often relay stories completely different then what really happened, yup, delusions.
We keep in contact through text, and a couple calls. Shes able to check out for "therapeutic visits," so I've taken her to the store to get a couple things, visits in the park.
Last week her demeanor had really changed. She was more like her. She started to say things like she loved me. Maybe we could work through this.
Over the weekend they changed her meds, and she went up again. Strange how the meds were keeping it suppressed. She started to say some mean shit again. Not so much towards me(this time), but like shes never connected with our daughter, and often questions her love for her. :'( f'ing heart breaking.
Well I know 90% of marriages to someone with bipolar end in divorce. God I love this women though. Like I said I'm really trying to educate myself. Just finished the book: "When someone you love is bipolar, help and support for you and your partner." It answered a lot of my questions. I think I'll reread it, or is there a better one?
I can't risk my children or my own health. I love her so much though. Even after the shit she did, I know she wasn't in the right state. I know she likely doesn't mean the horrible things she's said.
I just am kinda lost with it all. I don't know if when she baselines or is more like herself if we should talk about future at all. For it to work out is going to take a fuck ton of effort from me, but I'm OK with that, so long as the kids don't get hurt.
Is it going to be possible to stop the mania episodes and the cheating?? I can't do that shit again. EVER!!!!
I've always been the protector. I know I can't fix her, or even save her. But I can be a caring husband who understands and will help as long as I can safely, and she wants it.
I'm so worried for her. I'm supposed to be there for her in her time of need. And this may be one of the greatest. I love her so much. I'm just not sure I can do it. I'm afraid of the hell she'll put me and the kids through!
With her medical issues, literally no one really to stay with, she's never been able to keep a job, she's got no money, no friends, a car that needs a water pump, and her prepay monthly phone will soon expire. She's in dire need. When she's out in 75 days or so, will her living and financial situation improved much? Not very likely. Her life will likely be absolutely horrid until a very early death.
I don't know what to do!! And my best friend in the world is her, and she can't help me, or at this point even throw me a bone and tell me we can get through this!!! :'(
Last Wednesday my wife left home with the intention to meet a friend at starbucks before going to her Professional job. She ended up at the mall Professing the love of Jesus ( We are devoted Christians), when the police was called. The police called me on my phone and I told my wife was admitted to a behavioral hospital yesterday for evaluation. To listen and do everything the cop says. When I arrived to the mall she was laying down not responding to me or anyone. I thought she passed out because of lack of sleep for three days prior to this. The EMT was called and she was transferred to the ER where she was assessed and transfered to a behavioral hospital on a 1013. In Georgia a 1013 is the state holding you for mental evaluation. She thinks she has been sent to save the world. Yesterday I saw she was texting herself at the time of the episode. She was asking God to lead her wherever she will follow. When the police were called she wrote she was being murdered and he should come noowwwww.
She talks about getting a divorce when she gets out and even joked about killing herself sometimes. She is about to be discharged from the hospital tomorrow. She thinks I am the one who put her there and says she will take the kids and leave when she gets out. She doesnt want to admit to herself that she needs help. I am afraid that when she is out she will refuse the prescribed meds and will also refuse therapy. She has a alot of traumatic experiences since she was 10 years old. She says when she gets out she will let me feel how she felt while in the hospital. I am concerned and overwhelmed by this, especially concerned about our toddlers. Could anyone advise me what to expect when she gets out?
I need my wife back.
P.S. using my phone to type so grammer may not be perfect.
Am I losing her? Will she come back? As I type this out I am going to try and fight having a panic attack. I have never had a panic attack until recently. My wife is gone and I can't seem to get her back. I took her disease lightly, I treated her like I would if she did not have Bipolar 2 and Manic Depression. I did not realize the severity of mental health issues and I thought I could fix it with love and attention. That is what seemed to be what she was missing during her childhood, causing her to develop this way. Her mother has also been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, so perhaps it is somewhat hereditary. This first paragraph is a jumbled mess of whatever I am spilling out . I suppose I should start at the beginning.
It was January when I met my wife. We had attended school together as pre-teenagers, though my childhood is to vague to have remembered that. She is the most beautiful woman ever, and we just clicked. It was my birthday, I had a wolf hybrid puppy and my wife thought she was the most beautiful dog. I spent my birthday walking my dog with my wife. Best birthday ever. From then on we spent all day texting as I worked and I walked my dog with her 3+ times a week just to see her. It was my ticket into her life, what I wanted. One night, we were talking about our lives like we had often times did, and she tells me of her suicide attempts and mental health issues. I took it lightly, I could relate because I had attempted suicide on more than one occasion. I tell her about my issues as well, but I suppose that they were not even close to relating. Hindsight's my only flaw.
We continue dating and around mid February we had some issues because she did not trust me talking to my ex relationships. That was understandable, but I did not see it as a huge deal because I loved my wife. She gets mad at me one night and breaks up with me, giving me back a promise ring I had purchased for her. I tell her that I have some things of hers at my house and I will bring them over. When I get back over to her house, I am not sure what happened exactly, but I felt compelled to kiss her and just like that we were back together. I have always tried to be the strong one in the relationship.
We have small issues for the next few weeks, but nothing that was not normal for a relationship. When looking back, I see tell tale signs of manic episodes. Hindsight's my only flaw. It was perhaps early April and she takes off from work because she couldn't handle it. Again, didn't think anything of it. She had a lot going on just with trying to take care of our daughter. She tells me that she is taking xanax to help with her depression. She tells me that her grandmother had given it to her because that was what she takes for depression. She seemed to have good days when on xanax, but she also had terrible days where she would not get out of her pajamas all day and some days she would not get out of bed. This goes on for a few weeks (3 or so weeks) and in this time we decide to get married.
One day she tells me that she cannot see a doctor because she does not have insurance and all practitioners were requiring insurance for new patients. So, I tell her once she marries me she will have insurance. We had talked about marriage before, but this was the deciding factor. I wanted her to feel as if she was better. I did not feel that anything was actually wrong with her, but that shows how much I knew. Hindsight's my only flaw. We go that Tuesday evening after work to the courthouse and file for our marriage license. We are both extremely happy that day and the next. The days to follow she seemed absent. We decide to have our marriage the Friday after our rings arrive. I ask a guy I work with to perform the ceremony for us. That Friday, my wife does not text me all day and when I call she seems completely absent. I decide I need to go see her on my lunch, which was shorter that day than most because I had to teach a class to the new hires. I get to her house and see her grandmother, mother, and grandfather in the kitchen. Her mother tells me to come speak with them so I go and stand there to hear them out. Both grandmother and mother tell me she is not doing well and she needs professional help. I don't know what they are talking about. She seemed to have been doing okay the night before, besides the self medicated xanax mood. Xanax made her absent minded and not fully aware. I tell them that I have to go see my fiancee, that I would be back. When I walk into her room, I see her cutting her ankle and a puddle of blood under her on a picture frame. I freak. I have never experienced anything like this. My fiancee was hurting, but she was hurting herself. I ask her what the F*** she is doing, and she tells me to leave. I storm back to the kitchen, kiss my daughter and tell grandmother I can't do it. I can't deal with it. I go and sit in my car, but I do not have the power to start the car and drive off. I come back inside and her mother is saying that she is going to take our daughter and my wife flips and heads for the bathroom, where I assume she had a new razor blade because I had thrown the other away. She tries to shut and lock the door, but I reach the door in time before she locked it and I forced it open and just held her. I promised her then I was there for her. That is a promise that is being much more difficult to fulfill than I had anticipated. I plan on being there whenever she will let me, though.
I leave for work and am told that she told her grandmother that she asked for help. She asked for help. Wasn't forced. She knew she had to improve for our daughter. I go up to the ER after work, where she is being held to be evaluated. I sit there with her for hours, and her grandmother was there for even longer. My wife has people that support her to get better. After the evaluation, I sit there until 10 or 11 PM and leave her to be picked up by the medical transporter to the Mental Health Facility. She spends 4 days in there, which seemed almost unbearable at the time for me. I wanted her back. When she was released, I took off work to go pick her up. She came out and she seemed almost back to the woman I fell in love with. I feel that it was more of being listened to by a professional than her medicine that caused this mood change. It was at that time that I should have realized she needed special care and that I was not prepared for that. Upon getting back to grandmother's, grandmother tells me about the special care that she needs and how to effectively talk with her to not get her worked up too much. I felt appalled by the notion that my fiancee needed to be spoken to like a child. I had even told her that day that her grandmother was wrong and that I was upset that her grandmother spoke of her in such a way, right in front of her. I did not heed the warnings of how to speak to her.
For the next week, she spends a lot of time on her computer playing games. This was not peculiar, she was often known to do that, but she was neglecting me. I felt that it was just her adjusting to the medicine that once we marry, things will get better. The follow Friday, we get married. Now, I know everyone says their wife was the most beautiful on their wedding day, but my wife took my breath away upon seeing her in her wedding dress. I felt my life was finally becoming complete. Beautiful wife and daughter, my own family. The next week or so is good, my wife was on top of everything from our daughter to the laundry to showing me attention once I got home from work.
It seems as if she may have become complacent or perhaps was having mood swings because for the next two to three weeks that happy wife seemed to have faded. She was not mean, but she was not affectionate. She often would not leave the bedroom all day, and my father said that our daughter would just be in and out of the bedroom and my wife did not know what she was getting into when she left the room. Well, my wife quits playing the game that I started playing so I could connect to her. This is twice she had done that. I felt she didn't want me to have any sort of connection with her. I only started playing so that I could connect with her. I may have been suffocating her at that point, but I wanted the two of us to do something together. When she would play the game, she wouldn't talk to me. That upset me. I thought if I played the game she would talk with me about the game as she does with her gamer friends or even how she would talk to my brother about games. I was hurt that she did not want this connection with me, and when she changed games the last time she starts talking with her gamer friends on Skype, IM'ing each other. I would come in and sometimes she would kiss me and acknowledge me, and other times she would be too focused on her game or conversation to notice me.
I admit, I over reacted starting at this point. I was afraid that her gamer friends were getting the affection I deserved. She would have Skype on her phone and wake up in the middle of the night because someone messaged her. She would check her computer throughout the night. I was jealous and hurt. I started going through her phone to see who she was talking to. I was afraid of losing her. Those actions are what actually caused me to lose her, though. Last Thursday we had to go get her prescription, which is about 45 minutes away. During the day I realized that she was not happy. I googled "How to make your wife happy" and found an article stating 10 things to do to make your wife happy. I should have googled "how to deal with a bipolar wife". I may not have done the events which follow. I get off work and go to the restroom, where I write her a short 8 lined love note. I gave it to her and she laughed at me for writing it as I used the restroom. She sticks it in her purse. We go to the car and as I load up our daughter she pulls out the note, and my heart begins to sing. She doesn't read it though. She sticks it into the door compartment of the car, folded up. Now I'm hurt.
We drive to the clinic which she speaks with her sister on the phone for 20 of the 45 minute drive. Not a big deal. As we are waiting, I thank her for being such a wonderful wife. I ask her what her favorite flowers are, because I had forgotten when previously told. She asked why and I told her just curious. When she goes back to talk with the nurse, I order her a bundle of gardenia buds in a vase and on the card I tell her I love her and thanked her for being my amazing wife. I'm expecting those to come in Tuesday.
When we finally get back to the car, two hours later, she tells me 'oh, our daughter and I are going to California for a month.' I respond, 'without me?' She says no, and I tell her that I cannot leave for a month unless she wants me to quit work. She said I wasn't going. We had discussed previously that we were taking a week vacation to California to see her family and to get space from me. Now I am no longer invited and I have to live without my daughter and wife for a month. I express my feelings about the idea and tell her that I was not okay with it. I then make another mistake and tell her 'let's just get a divorce if you want to leave for a month.' She said if that is what I want, fine. I tell her I am taking her to her grandmother's and she says lets got by the house first to get her stuff. I tell her she cannot have her laptop. I said that I was going to throw it away. I blamed the laptop for our dysfunction. The laptop is only part of the dysfunction. That night she calls the cops on me for taking her hard drive and ram out, she also takes my tablet. I call her the next day to get my tablet and I wanted to talk. She didn't want to talk, but she gave me my tablet. Our daughter catches a glimpse of me and I hear her call daddy. I smile, but she can't come see me. That's the worst in the world. I sat outside and smoked a cigarette and talked to her grandmothers grandson. My wife asks me to leave and I tell her no. Another mistake. Grandmother then comes out and asks me to leave, which I oblige and go and park on the street in front of the house. My daughter and wife were inside, I really wanted to see them. To kiss my daughter. Tell them both that I loved them. Apologize to my wife for being crazy.
None of that happened. I sat there for 30-40 minutes and the cops show up. Tell me they can charge me for stalking and that they were going to just issue a criminal trespassing warning for grandmother's house. My wife has hardly spoken to me. This past weekend I left town, tried my best not to answer anyone's call. I wanted word to get around I am missing. I wanted my wife to be worried and to contact me. She did. 24 hours after the last time we had spoken. I did not answer. I wait 15 minutes and call her back, to which she does not answer. I have text her 50 times or more since she has left me. She has sent 5 texts, but very shallow texts.
I love my wife. If she wants to go to California, then she can go. I want her to talk to me though. If she wants to move to California, well then I would quit my job and follow her. If she doesn't want to work on our marriage, if she thinks a divorce would make her happy, I would do it. It would break me into pieces, but her happiness is what I want. I want to be able to speak with her though. I want to see my daughter. I want my daughter to be raised in a happy environment. If that means I lose my family, then I will lose my family, as much as that hurts to type.
If any of you are in the early stage of figuring out she is bipolar, I can only say don't make my mistake. Don't take it lightly. Give your wife the attention and care she needs and deserves. I didn't realize what she was going through, and beyond asking her how she felt I did not try to understand what she went through on a daily basis. My marriage has only been for a month, and there are already so many things I would do different if I could.
I have been told the past few days that this isn't fair to me, that I deserve to be happy. I want my wife to be my happiness, though. I value her so much. It may not be healthy and I may not have done such a great job at it thus far, but I would do anything for my wife's happiness, even be unhappy myself.
I guess hind sight's my only flaw.
Been reading the posts of all you brave souls, putting your life out in the street, so we can all see. I aplaud the moral courage it took. I can relate, empathize, and sympathaize with each one. Each of you, like me, have had your hearts and lives yanked in various directions in dealing with a wife's mind plagued with this disease. It isn't easy, and I often wonder if I am sane, as no sane person could handle the onslaught. Never knowing where one stands with her from day to day, or moment to moment at times. One minute one is the best thing since sliced bread, the next, a mangee curr dog slated for execution. Its chaos and confusion.
I have been married to a bipolar woman for over 15 years. I understand completely about feeling anxious about coming home. You're either bowled over with loving attention, showered in affection, or reviled and ignored. Our family has different names for the ugly side of mom, for the mellow even side, and for the "tigger" side. Of course Tigger, or tornado, is usually fun and supper easy to get along with. The "tammy" is the mean, and hurtful one who says and does things that break our hearts, and we indeed have to walk on egg shells when "tammy" is prevailant. All the blaming and accusing with that one.
I am writing this now because, I too, am drained. Bipolar has sucked me dry, always trying to stay ahead of it. Always keeping it together.
I have not had the road some of you have. "tammy" does not physically abuse us, although she has caused violence at times to various inanimate objects. I believe, much of whats kept the peace is her faith. Her faith in Jesus, has kept straight or sane enough to help rectify the damage "tammy" or "tigger" cause. For this I am grateful. I have always needed to be the strong one. Recent events have caused even my reserves to fail. Although that hope monkey tries to wiggle in, because she is starting to own and taking responsibility for her disease, and not denying or putting it off on me or some past event/person. She is starting a new med/therapy regimen. She wants my usual support, but I don't have the strength, I am at the bottom of the barrell.
I just signed up last night, and after reading many of the posts all I can say is BPD is not for the faint of heart. I new I was not alone, but so glad to find a place where people really do know what you are talking about. Thanks for sharing your stories. Just want to say...I love my wife dearly but this disorder is chipping away at me. So confusing living with two such different people who have the same face. If anyone has advice on dealing with the hypersexuality, I would love to hear it. Why does she crave that attention from other men?