Please apologies, english is not my mother tongue,
I met the most beautiful girl in 2008,we shared so much, we had the funniest, closest bonds i never experienced, best friend, lover, in 18 20 months relationship,
at that time i was super stable, strong work, full life, balanced with friends, family then...she was too having a good life, but on anti depressant and therapy coping for her mother latest hospitalization, i try to help her out off, 2 years of happiness, though super needy and with some foetal prostrations crisis once in a while, which seemed normal due to her mum condition, it looked only like a bumpy road but i was super motivated to make it work, to make her happy, to give all in,
I had my struggles, codependent amd savior scheme probably but i wanted to grow together for a long long time, i felt having boundaries, structure, discipline,
Then the arguments began, breaks, stepmother crisis more often, all night talks for stupid arguments, i would be at fault only, everything her way or the highway, tantrums, etc...but seemed ok to me, like couple issues but thought we could hang in there, though i was surprised as i would lose my tempers more often than usual, i must say i loved and fell weaker and weaker but i trusted, and felt safe,
last year, we married and moved transantlatic from europe to usa, she went back to university to do her passion, we were happy for 6 months, i struggled a little having no work authorization and became quite sick for a wihle, i had nobody over there, needed her support, then it snapped bad, i was in europe for 3 months for my papers, then she became a diferent person saying she needed time alone, cheating with a teacher saying it was nothing, reckless behaviors, lies, grandiosity wanting to counter einstein theories , drug abuse, sleepless, i would be the trouble maker, the abusive one, she would not have anything to tell me, she would tell me how unsexy i would be, i did not know at the time about the condition so i fought back, trying to have her realize, trying to convince, i guess i did the wrong way, but i took so much in the face, straight down to the ego, personality traits, stepmother backed her up track to support divorce and crush me hard, as i was sick, i was very weak and she laid emotionnal and verbal attacks that i never thought could have been possible from old resentments, critics, downgrading behaviors, choices or actions, not loving me for ages, and strangely attacking me on personal weaknesses or fears in life i might have confessed to her, she even pushed convincing me that i was not sick myself, that it was all in my head, i checked messages between her and other guys, my my, princess mode, beign watched,
i mean i get it when you ve been pushed by bp disorder, but in my case i even doubted my own sanity, i felt poisoned in a way by my sickness, battered by my love and helpless for what was happening around me, i was walking dead for 2 months and she would lie about events & people, arrange stuff behind my back, i still feel guilty cause it seems that as I was in bad situation it triggered the raging mood, hopefully treatment for me kicked in but it was too late for us, i got a bad infection which led me , appart from pain, fever to experience from brainfog, confusion, paranoia and ocd, i feel i have lived a couple of months the life of having bipolar, i feel like it s a sign that i lived the same symtoms as a bp depression probably, dont know if it was even close but i feel even closer to her and having an idea of what she might be experiencing, i used to tell her to push herself when she was down, or just to gently calm down other excited times, i could manage quite differently from now,
I m now back in europe to get health back, separated, she said she wanted to stay friends, but could not talk about the episode, that she was all ok, that was life and that i had to be happy and accomplish myself, she is silent now, and have been very mean like get me back the hard way if you wish, i don t need you phases etc...then she would be nice but the strangest ways, like telling she would offer me the same tea mug i offered her once, give me a tap on the back saying i was a super guy that nobody would ever love her the same etc...
I have lost everything i cared for and i worked hard for, since a couple of weeks, i have read and learned so much , i thank you all for posting here and elsewhere by the way, now i m quite sure, hesitating though ( how could i still doubt it) as she has not been diagnosed yet, that she must have bp2 and experienced an hypomania , she asked me for help at once over im message but i did not see it, i tried to alert friends and family later but got kicked back, or no answer, what can i do that she goes evaluated or at least speak to someone,
i guess i have to get better, to finish my grieving for this loss, i still worry about her and how she can put herself in danger, i still love her basically but i think i would need true marks of involment from her to eventually rebuild something, it has been so far sometimes i feel i should run away, i m still lost i guess, as i feared for my life due to the sickness, not being able to understand what was going on, i might have ptsd myself, i can cry or be shaked by a strange noise or anxious, untrustful to people, lonely.... As this was super violent, i m not medicated nor therapy, i try the hard way, gym, sleep, no substance, meditation, reading and re working smoothly, should i consult ? I feel i don t know who i am anymore, what i want or need, i jut live in a warrior mode, eat work rest, no emotions, no good times, war zone mode but i m fed of it now,
i feel very isolated, people around me tell me you ll get better in time, forget about it, my friends say she is the b***, she tells story i would be violent to her, or a loser at the time, a faker etc, i don t care so much but it hurts as i can t tell which part is the disease speaking, which is the true self believing these theories to cope with the uncontrolled situations, i feel she is all cleaned up now and that she wants to start a new life again,
wow that was long but it felt good to lay down here,
anyway, my small input here is that i read a lot about 6-7 years timeframes before things burn in flames, and remembering psychology courses saying childhood personalities are built until 7 years old, i was wondering that bp disorder could be inconscious cycling from 0 to 7 years , repeating moments from birth to abuse and then fight the abuse by a violent catharsis projected on the loved or close ones at the moments, because i feel after the hypomania part, there is like a rebirth, an innocent child starting a life of kindness, with kid s eyes and seing the world all beautiful,neven very naive, innocent...i feel i ll love her forever but is this the life i want, is this a destiny? i want kids, a regular family, how can she be not realizing, how can she not be craving for help openly ? Did she pushed me away to protect me ? Not to face what she did ?
Am i going to bet on a very dangerous path for a complicated life ? For tears and cryings so often ?
could that fit to bp disorder or could that mean something else ?
Is the narcissist part attached to the bp disorder ?
until now, i feel you brothers and sisters, this is a part of life i did not know and what a journey my friends, i feel more for emotionnal disorders people, that must be truly hell on earth,
all my life perspectives are changing, i m even considering involving in mental health supporting activities,
send you love and energies
I have been reading a lot of posts on here and it's the exact thing in dealing with. My wife was given bipolar meds about 10 years ago and stopped taking them. We have been married 8 months and she is a severe alcoholic. She recently finally went to rehab twice and while she was there, they gave her bipolar meds again. She refuses to accept she is bipolar and has started drinking again. But all of the things noted on here are her same actions. One hour she's so lucky and I'm the best husband ever, her best friend, her everything...etc. The next I'm terrible and she wants a divorce. I have been so patient with this but the thing I can't get over is her constant need of attention from other men. She hadn't done anything physical s of now....that I know of and I watch her closely bc of the alcohol, but when we R bad she texts or calls other men to get approval like they want her or something. That's the only thing I cannot stand as if I did that she would lose her mind. I even tested it one day and acted like I did to show her, and she was crying and it was terrible. I thought after that it would stop but her drinking and the bipolar is just out of control. IM about 2 days away from filing for divorce and the only reason I haven't is bc I know it's not her and it's the drinking with her illness bc when she's sober..yes we have issues but small and I can deal with those...she's a complete diff person and amazing. But recently it's all the time and I just can't take it anymore. There's a million other things that have happened but this is the one I can't put up with...does anyone have any suggestions?
Almost by accident I stumbled on these posts and am speechless. Many of the posts describe nearly word for word the situation I am in. I have been married 16 years with a 15 year old son. Not sure if my wife was ever "diagnosed" as depressed but her GP put her on citalopram (40mg daily) several years ago. This same GP has also given her prescriptions for (among other things) adderal, ambien, vicodin and many other drugs. She has also continued to drink alcohol while on the citalopram, but never to excess. Approximately 4 years ago her moods begin to swing more often and to greater highs and lows. Finally during one particular low point she became violent. Throwing furniture, saying horrible things etc... Once I got her all calmed down I looked and realized she hadn't taken her citalopram in 2-3 weeks. That episode seemed to scare her back on the medication and she was better for a year or so. Slowly she has gotten to the point where I feel she may be bi polar. The mood swings started to become noticeably more frequent, and severe. 5 years ago there was nothing more important to her than her family. Our son, myself and her parents and sister. About a year ago she completely cut off all communication and ties to her parents and sister, saying some horrible, hurtful, truly awful things to them and demanding they do not contact her. I've asked her many times what the conflict was, and she will never give me a reason. They began calling me looking for explanation and I had none. The family and I believe that an estranged member of the family (wife's aunt, who she speaks with regularly) has "planted" ideas in my wife that she was molested (with her mothers consent) when she was very young. The family vehemently denies this ever happened. In the past 3 months things have gone from bad, to horrific. I received a call last Friday from an attorney indicating she has filed for divorce. A couple weeks ago, I told her I thought that might be our only option and she told me "we will never get divorced". And then I find out she filed for divorce 10 days before Christmas?? And told our son about it by saying, "you'll find out sooner or later, I am divorcing your father". She has blown up at him for no particular reason and said things like "you think I'm crazy" and "you need a new mom". At the suggestion of a therapist I was seeing, I contacted her GP and told her waht was going on and what I suspected. HUGE mistake. This enraged her as I "went behind her back" and "attempted to brand her as a drug addict". I have been keeping track of her medication and of the last 110 days she has missed 39 days of the citalopram. Every single thing in her life that is bad, is because of something, or someone else. She always had a strong spiritual faith, but now she has gospel music playing 24/7 wherever she is and insists on praying over every facet of day to day life. She downloads hundreds of inspirational messages a week all with the same theme of how strong she is when surrounded by evil/weakness/disbelievers. We have seen a couples therapist 3 times now. First together, then each of us individually. I shared my concern with the therapist about the medication, the symptoms and my belief that she may be bi polar. The therapist then shared this with her and 2 days later she filed for divorce. Before she filed for divorce, She (without my knowledge) took our son's passport, birth certificate and Soc security info and hid them. She will not say why, but I am assuming she thought I was going to snatch our almost 16 year old and run away to bora bora or something (there is absolutely no history in our marriage of me even threatening something of this nature). I have found she put tracking software on my phone and computer, she has accused me of having an affair with someone I haven't even heard from in about 8 years, she has accused me of stealing or mis managing our money when in reality, I have discovered she has been sending money to the aforementioned estranged aunt, and has made large purchases without my knowledge or consent. Last night she was in bed, watching tv and I fell asleep about 10:30. She didn't fall asleep until about 5 am. She was up and going through our son's cell phone. I know because she sent me a copy of a text I had sent him about her "behavior". We have another meeting with the therapist next week where I plan to lay it on the line and hopefully the therapist backs me up. I am not all that confident in that however as she is one of those "let's talk about the communication breakdown" types. I don't know if what kind of experience she has with something like this.
on the 28th we would have celebrated 26 years of marriage like some of u i see that it started some short time after childbirth was accused of having affairs right from the get go and i never strayed from this woman she has had numerous hospitalizations with diagnoses starting with post partum depression now 26 years later its supposedly bipolar.
The best part of it was i was a mental health worker on psychiatric in patient units for 12 years. Every one of the nurses social workers i worked with were all the ones i was having all of these wonderful affairs with in 2 different states.
Over the years the diagnoses have changed from depression to shizoaffective disorder to early onset dementia to now bipolar.
She has been on many antipsychotics over the years and has been waited on all the time by me and now her adult children.
Her paranoia is so bad she stopped having joint accounts with me i.e. banking and has now left as she thinks the boys 21 and 24 are covering for me and my affairs wrong numbers called back and threatened she has physically acted out hit me on my head with bottle causing stitched and emergency detentions in psych units with threats of suicide and physically hitting me resulting in 3 admissions for overdose of meds and jail time for assault on myself and police.
There is no reaching through her paranoia she even callers her friends and threatens them.
Police here think its a marital problem but its a psych problem she refuses to let me or the kids be involved in any form of treatment with shrink or counselor so we have said good bye to her as have her friends and family she even told my eldery mother she is glad my father died last year she has went to far what more can i do?
I have so much empathy and compassion for all of the husbands, wives, and families out there who are suffering with this horrible condition. My beautiful wife and I are also suffering from her condition. She has rapid cycling BP2, generalized anxiety disorder, she's alcoholic, and is currently going through menapause.
New to the site. Found it by googling "what should I do if my wife is bipolar?"
Anyway, most of the time my wife and I are great. We got married in July after dating 8 months. Her problem reared its head early on but for some reason I just love this woman. I've also adopted (not legally, but effectively) her son she had when she was very young. He calls me daddy and has never had a father figure in his life. She woman had no real life plan before me. She was working a dead end job and living with her cousin because her mother passed away and father was never around. She grew up with an abusive stepfather, and has told me she was never happy at all until she met me. Now that we are married, I am now the "abuser." I am not at all abusive, but she insists all I do is cut her down and treat her horribly. We recently moved about 3 hours from our home to a new city so I can go to law school.
Now, I have confided in a few friends and family our troubles and wondered if I'm crazy and I just can't see how I'm abusive. Neither can they. I'm not at all abusive. I've spent thousands on this woman to make her happy, I'm a good father by her own admission to her son, and in general do anything I can to help her be happier and make her life easier. I even got her a very easy pay by the job legal job that takes about 2 hours a day to make way more than she's ever made before so she can spend more time with her son and basically be a housewife and still make money.
Last night we spent the evening carving pumpkins as a family, and this morning she woke up on a hell bent mission to get a divorce and prove I'm a horrible person. Every time she gets upset it's always the D word. After being married 3 months. This happens about once a week, some worse than others. Usually, its her drinking that sets her off. She gets totally shit faced wasted, and doesn't even remember the awful things she says to me, often in front of her son (who is autistic by the way). I myself do not prefer drinking, rather I like to smoke weed (legal in my state). I never get crazy and I am more of a quiet type and she is pretty extroverted. I feel like my weed smoking, in her mind, makes it okay for her to get wasted (like drinking 2 bottles of wine in a couple hours) because I'm smoking. But I don't do horrible things when I smoke, and when she's sober and I try to talk to her about it, that's a fight. In her mind, she honestly believes that I'm the bad guy.
And other times she tells me how lucky she is, that she's so happy she's found a father for her son and loves me so much, etc. Just prior to writing this post she told her son that he wasn't going to go by my last name anymore, and he wasn't going to see my mother (his grandmother) on Christmas because I am so mean to her. I'm so distraught. I do not know what to do. She doesn't see that it's in her mind and I am not a bad person. I've been a powerful force of good in her life. I honestly feel I made a mistake marrying her. I can't afford a divorce, but I know there has to be someone out there who is a better match for me. I'm afraid with her propensity of calling for a divorce, that once I'm actually an attorney making money, that she will file and I'll be stuck paying alimony and child support for a child that isn't even mine. I also don't want to go through a divorce right now because I'm in the middle of my first semester of law school and it itself is a huge amount of stress. I hate my life.
I have been married to my wife for 6 years and we have been great friends for 12 years.
I always knew my wife was unhappy but recently she's told me that the last 3-4 years; she has been unhappy being with me.
After we had our little girl, she became depressed and as a husband I failed to see the signs and chose to ignore them rather than to be there with my wife.
I don't even recall her approaching me about the subject, but being that I felt like our life was a series of unhappy moments, I chalked it up to just that; her being unhappy.
She met a colleague, male, and has become infatuated with him. He is wealthier than I am, they seem to connect easier; however he has two beautiful children and a beautiful wife and so much ahead of him.
She insists that her feelings for him are purely friendly, yet she claims that in another life with different circumstances she'd of rather been with him.
I helped my wife as much as I could, and still after her announcing to me that she wants to leave me, I can't help but feel happy around her.
We currently live in the same house since we do not currently have the finances to move on into different homes.
I always expected to live the rest of my days with this woman. Beautiful, caring, willing to do almost anything for anyone.
I am concerned if she is taking her medication but she has been keeping me at a good distance so it's difficult for me to keep her in check. I feel like I am crossing boundaries and have her blow up if I bring it up, bringing this already fragile friendship we currently have to an end.
It's been 2 weeks and I am still infatuated with her.
I am concerned over the well being of our 4 year old daughter, because if we decide that the best thing will be shared custody, it's important that my child is raised with love and respect. My wife tends to raise her a voice quite a lot with her, where-as I tend to get frustrated and just ask my daughter not to have myself repeated.
I've never screamed, yelled or hit either of the two.
The worst part of this, is that she does NOT believe her illness is what is making her believe she's sad with me. Sure, I wasn't always there. I didn't know how to approach her anymore. She claims I'm still a great and supportive husband, a great and loving father; but she can't find it in her to give me a chance.
I have an addictive personality and although I don't typically drink or do drugs, I don't smoke; I happened to play a lot of videogames that kept me distant from my wife all those years she needed me most.
Now that she's gone and slowly destroyed my concept of a married life, she's also been party to wrecking this other man's marriage. I don't keep up with their details anymore, I'm not a control freak, but I do know that she expresses her want for him and his touch on a daily basis.
I am infatuated with my wife. Addicted to her. To see her spiral herself into something she may never be able to come out from, is scary. I love her more than I could love anyone else. She didn't get what she wanted from our relationship and I'm constantly wondering if I could have done something better.
Her friends and family encourage the behavior and valour her for being strong and independent when I know for a fact that on her own, she's going to be a wreck for both herself and our daughter.
I keep wishing that it's all a bad dream, that I can regain my trust in her and her in me. But the fact remains that she has gone against everything her therapist and husband have told her, yet she keeps telling herself we are all wrong.
Part of me wants to believe that we are wrong. But I know better.
I just hope that others who read this will know that although you may love your wife unconditionally, and that everything you seek in her seems real; she does have an agenda. She does like to manipulate. And unless she seeks medical help, there is nothing for you to do.
Bipolars believe they are the only ones who are right. They believe that what they are doing can't be questioned or targeted. Ironically, if they put this mentality to their work lives, they become incredibly efficient and organized and build strong leadership skills...the problem is that they tend to break down very quickly and within short time they may regret what they've done when it's too late.
I still love my wife and will love her until the day I die. I just wish she could feel the same about me. Bipolarism, not the person, is a bitch.
I really enjoy reading other peoples stories dealing with bipolar spouses because it puts me at ease. I have been struggling with this problem for almost 6 years now and I had no idea what was going on. I have been with my wife for almost 6 years and married for two. Shortly after my daughter was born she slipped into depression. She visited a doctor and was diagnosed with post partum depression. She was put on medication for depression and meds to help her sleep. Just before this time I did slip up and spoke to an ex girlfriend on Facebook. Nothing sexual and it didn't go on for long. My wife (girlfriend at the time) took it as I was sleeping around and blames that for her depression. Fast forward about 5 years and we have had some ups and downs. We got married in 2012 and there were a few nights she just randomly took her rings off and said she wanted a divorce because she couldn't deal with what happened so long ago. I later found out that she stopped taking her medication because she felt she didn't need it. After she got back on her meds she was fine.
Here is where the real issues begin. Early 2013 we made a move north to be close to family. It was pretty stressful but I thought we were fine. My wife ran into an ex who also happens to be a biological father to one of her children but was never in his life. Suddenly these two start speaking constantly. I am talking 3-4 hours each day talking on the phone and constant texting. Because I knew something was up I checked her phone one night and found dirty text messages between them. My wife also joined a gym and would go from 7pm-1am and come home like she never worked out. One night I left my phone in the car and tracked it to his house so my suspicions were right. She was using the gym as a cover up to see this man. We fought of course and she told me she wanted a divorce, didn't love me and ended up moving in with this man taking the kids along. This lasted about a week and she was back asking me to forgive her. I of course did because we are married and I took vows to be with this woman forever. I noticed her and them man were still talking constantly and after about a week of being back together she moved out again and in with him. This time it lasted about a month. One day she asked me to bring her lunch for work because she was broke and she just broke down crying asking me to forgive her and lets move back in together. I took her back and said this would be the last time and she agreed to cut off all contact with this man. However that did not happen. He stuck around to talk to his son and a few months later my wife and him were back to sneaking around. At this point she moved back in with this man once again and took the kids with her. She ended up with an engagement ring from the man and he bought her a car to help with the kids. This only lasted a few weeks and of course she asked for me back. I told her I Loved her and would give her one final chance but we have to agree to move away to get away from him and everything that causes this. Now after all this I knew she was bi polar but it was never diagnosed. She would not go see a DR.
Fast forward to now. We moved from Delaware to Florida, and everything was fine for a few months. We were happy and she found a job she liked. She was always a house wife so this is something that I thought would help her. We made a deal that whoever found a better job with a normal schedule would work and the other would stay home with the kids during the summer and then find a job. Unfortunately I think the stress of working to pay the bills was too much for her. I found out that she emailed the man telling him she missed him and they started talking again. She would disappear for hours and I noticed the text and minutes went up like crazy on our cell plan. She finally told me she did not love me and she only came back in the past for financial reasons. We fought some but I was done at this point. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me...fool me four times...NO WAY! She ended up trying to overdose on Xanax and ended up being committed by the state for suicide watch for 3 days. They finally diagnosed her with Bipolar 1 and it all became totally clear after finding sites like this.
So the man shows up in Florida and of course comes over while I am at work. They Facetime and text constantly. My wife and I planned on getting a divorce this time but suddenly she comes back around like before. She starts being extra nice and kissing me and even invited me back to our bed after sleeping on the couch for almost 2 months. I love this woman but this is no life to live for anyone and not good for our 3 kids to witness every few months. Sadly I don't think this man knows what he is in for. His last visit he bought her another car because her last one was totaled and we were sharing our van. I also noticed another engagement ring on her Amazon wish list. It is all fun and games while they live 1000 miles apart but this life is now fun. I want to pack up and run but I fear for my daughter and I don't like the idea of giving up on someone who really is ill.
Sadly my wifes oldest son is BP2 and has very bad mood disorders. He does not respect me at all and speaks down to me constantly. When my wife and I get in these situations he gets worse because he feels that I am not important and not in charge of him. I hate to say I would ever give up on a child but when an 11 year old speaks down to you like a little kid every day it is hard to have any type of father son relationship.
I have already decided that I need therapy after all this no matter what happens. After this relationship I fear that I will not know how to act in a normal relationship.
Sorry for the long rant. I have never spoken about this other then to my parents. Thanks for anyone who took the time to read.
I am at a cross road being married more than 22 years and cannot exactly say I have had a month where I can say was never subject to verbal abuse from my wife . I am not exactly a good person but make sure I ensure I provide for her every need even to the point of depriving my self.
When I say not good and have been a contributor to things by drinking heavily and fantasies about affairs leaving information on phones and computer which she has found and even through these are things way in the past its every opportunity they are thrown at me including abuse in calling me names degrading of being a man.
I work out offshore and not even safe there as she will attack me via BBM or email and when I gey home must just pretend nothing has happened as she now is out of that Phase which also happens when I am home.
I am afraid now that I not falling into her trap which is trying to justify and argue and have also curbed my drinking she is becoming more violent , has attacked me and also my big daughter
Do I get out as she will not try to manage her illness and uses all this what she considers affairs and says we hate her the people supporting her .
I would like to hear if anyone has a spouse who take pleasure in dehumanize you and making sure anything you did even if you have apologized is played to you over and over
I came across the website and was intrigued because you never usually find anything these days that have something to support husbands. As I suspected it's like most other websites of this nature in fact the stories are all the same. My wife is Bipolar type 1 and we have been married for almost 12 years. I believe she may also have borderline personality disorder. I'm not a doctor but I have read quite a bit about it and she has almost every symptom. I know there are a lot of you out there that is hoping that your situation will get better. I hate to be the one to tell you this but unless your wife wants to manage this disease the way it is suppose to be managed then there is no hope. My wife is a nurse and a master manipulator. She knows exactly what to tell her doctor what not to tell her doctor. For example, my wife is suppose to take 60 mg of adderall each day just to get out of bed. Yet most days she takes 90mg. If she admitted to her doctor what she was doing he would drop her in a heart beat. She has to take 800mg of seroqoul along with clonzapam just to sleep.