The life of a Husband of a Bi-Polar Wife. What a wild ride it is.

26Mar/152

Married 2 months

I've been married 2 months and know my now Mrs 2 year at first everything was sweet we went on loads of holidays and shared loads of interests before marriage we've had arguments before for no reason which ended in me suggesting we sit down with both our parents and try and resolve it ,,the arguments are dum over nothing but she goes crazy over the slightest things no matter how much I try, at first I thought It was me shes said I dint communicate enough so I communicated more then she said I wasn't trying and I was to flirty with other women so I stopped joking with other women as I like to have a bubbly personality at work im friendly nothing more ,,,then we bought a house together before we got married I worked from 4 in the morning to 1 at my job then went to the house after work and left at 9 allmost everyday . i spent 4/5 months renovating the house to make a family home for us in the mean time she sais she was struggling so I payd all the bills and bought her a car as the car she owned had to go back as it was under finance and causing her stress so I bought her a car so she could return her first car back,,,she then said I was throwing the car in her face every time I asked if she returned the first car as she dint seem to be doing anything about it ..so I stopped mentioning it ,any ways now I had to book out honeymoon so I asked if we could go Dubai as id never been she said we could do that anytime so to keep her happy I found another place srilanka , which she agreed she always wanted to visit ,during the booking process she wouldn't even order her own visa so I did this too,,,in the mean time the wedding photographer did a preshoot for our weeding and asked what pics wed like in our guest book ,,,she had already picked the pics she wanted when I asked if I could pick some she said I was messing her around and shed already done it because of her mood swing I dint want to argue so I let this go too

anyways we got married and went on honeymoon I paid for a driver and several hotels as we travelled the whole country at first she was happy then she the last few days started saying how shit I am and how I suck at everything and I cant offer her the best, all I ever did was try to calm her down when she had a go after a day or two she was back to normal for no reason

we came back home and its been argument after argument she aid her piils make her sick so ive been doing all the house work cooking cleaning washing and then tells me I changed the colour of one of her tops and I owed her money for it ,,I said fine il buy her a new one ,,the other night she went out drinking at hers sister birthday party and was supposed to pick me up at 3 I called n text all day but I found out through her mum she stayed in bed so I said fine il make my own way home ,she eventually turned up at home that night I asked if she mind starting to clean and tidy up after her self ,she hot the roof started slamming doors and shouting in the end she came to bed and said I always put her down all I said was would she please start cleaning the house too as I do It al the time and I cant keep it up ,,she got angrier and went to sleep in the other room then 10 minutes later returned grabbed the duvet off me and said I was making to much noise on the laptop I pulled the duvet back and said fine il switch it off she then told me to put the lamp off on her side of the bed I said it on ur side can you just not do it ,,

she went crazy jumped out of bed and threw the lamp on the ground, at this stage I couldn't take it any more I jumped out of bed switched on the room light and went over to her grabbed the cover off her she kicked me in the stomach a few times before I shouted at her why are you doing this why do you want to make me angry you cant even keep the house clean and I punched the wall and was leaving the room I dint punch the wall out of anger im just tired of the constant abuse as I was leaving she stood up to leave the room I turned around and said all I want to do it talk to you would u even care if I was dead,,,,she just left

after she left the house I broke down called my sister to come get me from day one I've done my best by her paid the bills paid for the renovations and loved her I've taken the abuse and never complained I finally broke down I spent the night at my mum and dads the next day at work I was arrested as she said I threated to kill her, after I spent 14 hours in a cell crying they released me as I was innocent my life could have been destroyed I love my wife but I cant do this any more I've lost everything im 5.11 and a woman half my size constantly abuses me im done

any I've left so much out that she's done to me all I've ever done is try to make her happy tried to talk to her ,she wont admit she has a problem and no one else sees it not even her family I've tried to tell them they think its just teething problems I tried to solve a lot of problem with money cause I was trying to save her stress but now I realise no amount of money or communication on my side will ever fix her im absolutely broke emotionally financially and they she tries to get me put in prison, ,the worst thing is I still love her

my marriage is over but its not easy to admit what am I to do be her punch bag until she changes her mind treats me good for a few days and then it starts all over again

 

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26Mar/150

Hard to face the reality of it all

We moved to Florida left good jobs wife said she would work as nurse I take care of home.My step sons live in State or should I say state prison now.20 years I have been dealing with bipolar wife.No need to explain you all know the roller coaster.Now she is alcoholic verbal abuse worse than ever and the bad side of the bi polar seems to have taken over with few good days in between the last few months.Her sons one was a professional chef turned out to be a dishwasher the other a manager of big home builder turned out to be a stock boy.All this I believed I wanted to.We paid for a wedding and three days later the gifts 150 people gave were on the sons front lawn for a yard sale.Cash used for drugs the other same situation.As things have gotten worse I have always tried to be supportive.Wife shows little emotion just gets meaner by the day and takes it out on me.Now she wants divorce because I want her to quit drinking and seek help.I love her I really do.I just do not think I know this other side of her.She is consumed by this other personality and to me I see no return.Being self employed up North and making a ton of money I gave up to move here.At my age 50 I can never get to that point again but I know I can support myself.I just am having a hard time to pick up and leave the person I love and care about but it is killing me sitting around waiting for the other person to come back hoping to get that side of her to seek help.I think I lost this battle.My soul mate has been torn out of my life bi bipolar disorder and I want her back.I mourn my loss every day.I dream of happy times even dream she is near me telling me I am sorry the dreams feel so real and then I wake up and the reality is still here.We sleep in same bed talk little it is obvious I am at my lowest I have ever been.I tried medication my self.Doctor said I seem normal the meds do nothing I feel the same.No one questions my sanity I am who I have always been.They do see my wife as strange and mean it is embarrassing but mostly out side the house she has an act that makes it appear we are a happy couple.It is bizarre to say the least.She even tells friends I am a good man good person comes home and bashes me to no end.I am totally absorbed into this nightmare.I have no idea where to turn what to do.Suicide never entered mind nor has violence.I just want my wife back.I do not see that happening unless she quits drinking and seeks help.How much longer should I wait this out???

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26Mar/150

out of control

My wife and I have been married going on 27 years. I love this woman more than anything. I never knew what bipolar disorder was. I have read more and understand a lot now, things seem to make more sense. After we were married for about 4 years my daughter was born. After my daughter was about a year old we took a trip to England.  We had a great time.  We were home for about 3 months. My wife told me she wanted to move to England. I thought it was silly of course. Until she actually bought a ticket and left. She left me and my daughter behind.  She stayed with a mutual friend who is the one we went to visit in the first place. She married an Englishman and lives there now. I pleaded with her to come home for over two months. She finally came home and things were good again. She could never really explain why she left. I couldn't even tell you what bipolar disorder was at that time. My son was born the next year in 95.  Things were going really good, everyone was happy. In 97 my wife met a guy online and had an affair. She wound up moving in with this guy and leaving my kids and I. After about six months I filed for divorce and everything was going as well as could be expected. She even signed over the kids to me in the divorce. I was looking forward to getting on with my life. I got a call from my wife one day and she was all happy and telling me she got a promotion at work and how happy she was. I was happy for her and told her so. Then I told her she was with this other guy now. She said she didn't care she loved me and I was her best friend. I was the first call she made. After another week or so she called and wanted to go to lunch. I took her to lunch and we talked she then started crying and couldn't stop. She kept telling me how she screwed up her life and couldn't take anything back. If she could she would. How much she loved me and how she wished she could take everything back and we could be together again.  I told her if she was serious maybe we could work it out. After all the kids were little, they needed their mom.  And I loved her of course. After all, we were best friends and close.  We worked things out, it was pretty hard for me.  The woman I loved was sleeping with another man for over 6 months. Just a little hard to deal with. I have to say though things were good for about 7 or 8 years after that. My wife wanted to go back to school to be a nurse.  She had a couple months when she was just out of control. She had met a person at school who was a bad influence on her. She was encouraging her to have an affair and leaving me. Not sure if my wife ever did cheat, I suspect she did. I have no proof though. After her friend came over to my house one day when my wife was gone and made a pass at me that kind of put an end to that episode. My wife still don't talk to her. About 2 years ago our family doctor put my wife on antidepressants. Which made my wife's cycles even faster. About a year and a half ago, my wife came to me and said she wasn't happy. She needed to be on her own. She swore there was no one else that she just needed this. I told her fine ans she moved out and got an apartment. I checked on her to make sure she was ok. I called her everyday to make sure she was up for work. It was always the same thing. Thanks for calling, I am up,  I love you. I would take her to dinner or lunch once a week.  She would look at me and smile and say I love you. I would ask her, why are you doing this then? She would just say I don't know, I have too. So On Thanksgiving morning I stopped by to check on her. She drug me into her apartment and took my clothes off and had her way with me. I would say raped, but you can't rape the willing. She said she was ready to come home, so she did.  things were better than ever for the past year. I noticed she would be getting packages in the mail about everyday. Buying thousands in clothes that she never wears. Buying things she never uses. She even bought a new 25,000 dollar wedding ring set. I had just paid all the credit cards off last year from her little episode. Now they are all back up there again.  At least 20,000 dollars. About a month after she bought her new wedding ring set she started having an affair with a young guy at work that is 17 years younger than her. I couldn't believe that she could do this again. So, after looking into things farther I find out she is downloading porn on her phone and wearing out sex toys. Now, after all these years I thought I knew this woman a little. Let me tell you, she has been such a prude about sex and so traditional in the bedroom it drives me crazy. I am always trying to get her to open up more sexually. It's like I don't know her at all. So, I talked to our doctor ans told him everything I just explained above. I also told him that her sister is bipolar and has been in and out of the hospital. I told him how things have gotten worse. He said that it sounds like she has always been bipolar but, since she has been on the antidepressants it has caused her episodes to cycle faster. He said she needs to be put on a mood stabilizer. He is very concerned as I am. I look back now ans things make so much more sense. I can almost pick out her mania stages over the years. I am hurting, but I can see she really needs help. I can't leave her when she is like this. I am trying to get her to go to the doctor and get her meds adjusted. If she can do that I think we will be OK again. I know all this crap is not her fault, it is the bipolar disorder. She on the other hand wants to leave. She says I deserve better and we will all be better off with out her. I keep telling her she can fix this and make everything better and she is not in this alone. I am here for her. She insist that she wants to get our debt paid off again and go our separate ways. I am just backing off and telling her that if that is what she wants then that is what we will do. I am giving her time for her cycle to change again. Meanwhile I have been talking to her sister and her mom and reading all the information I can on this disorder. I love this woman, I will never give up on her. We are so much apart of one another it is sickening.

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20Feb/150

You know the story…already

Please apologies if typos, english is not my mother tongue,

I lost everything to probable BP or borderline of my ex wife,

I met the most beautiful girl in 2008,we shared so much, we had the funniest, closest bonds i never experienced, best friend, lover, in 18 20 months relationship in moved together,

at that time i was super stable, strong work, full life, balanced with friends, family then...she was too having a good life, but on anti depressant and therapy coping for her mother latest BP hospitalization,  i try to help her out off, 2 years of happiness, though super needy and with some foetal prostrations crisis once in a while when facing frustrating event, which seemed normal due to her mum condition, it looked only like a bumpy road but i was super motivated to make it work, to make her happy, to give all in,

I had my struggles, codependent amd savior scheme probably but i wanted to grow together for a long long time, i felt having boundaries, structure, discipline, a kind of though love then,

Then the arguments began, breaks, stepmother crisis more often, all night talks for stupid arguments, i would be at fault only, everything her way or the highway, tantrums, etc...but seemed ok to me, like couple issues but thought we could hang in there, though i was surprised as i would lose my tempers more often than usual, i must say i loved and fell weaker and weaker but i trusted, and felt safe, but I would burst in anger times to times, even close to become physical,

last year, we married and moved transantlatic from europe to usa, she went back to university to do her passion, we were happy for 6 months, i struggled a little having no work authorization and became quite sick for a wihle, i had nobody over there, needed her support, then it snapped bad, i was in europe for 3 months for my papers, then she became a diferent person saying she needed time alone, cheating with a teacher saying it was nothing, reckless behaviors, lies, grandiosity wanting to counter einstein theories , drug abuse, sleepless, i would be the trouble maker, the abusive one, she would not have anything to tell me, she would tell me how unsexy i would be, i did not know at the time about the condition so i fought back, trying to have her realize, trying to convince, i guess i did the wrong way, but i took so much in the face, straight down to the ego, personality traits, stepmother backed her up track to support divorce and crush me hard, as i was sick, i was very weak and she laid emotionnal and verbal attacks that i never thought could have been possible from old resentments, critics, downgrading behaviors, choices or actions, not loving me for ages, and strangely attacking me on personal weaknesses or fears in life i might have confessed to her, she even pushed convincing me that i was not sick myself, that it was all in my head, i checked messages between her and other guys, my my, princess mode, beign watched,

i mean i get it when you ve been pushed by bp disorder, but in my case i even doubted my own sanity, i felt poisoned in a way by my sickness, battered by my love and helpless for what was happening around me, i was walking dead for 2 months and she would lie about events & people, arrange stuff behind my back, i still feel guilty cause it seems that as I was in bad situation it triggered the raging mood, hopefully treatment for me kicked in but it was too late for us, i got a bad infection which led me , appart from pain, fever to experience from brainfog, confusion, paranoia and ocd, i feel i have lived a couple of months the life of having bipolar, i feel like it s a sign that i lived the same symtoms as a bp depression probably, dont know if it was even close but i feel even closer to her and having an idea of what she might be experiencing, i used to tell her to push herself when she was down, or just to gently calm down other excited times, i could manage quite differently from now,

I m now back in europe to get health back, separated, she said she wanted to stay friends, but could not talk about the episode, that she was all ok, that was life and that i had to be happy and accomplish myself, she is silent now, and have been very mean like get me back the hard way if you wish, i don t need you phases etc...then she would be nice but the strangest ways, like telling she would offer me the same tea mug i offered her once, give me a tap on the back saying i was a super guy that nobody would ever love her the same etc...

I have lost everything i cared for and i worked hard for, since a couple of weeks, i have read and learned so much , i thank you all for posting here and elsewhere by the way, now i m quite sure, hesitating though ( how could i still doubt it)  as she has not been diagnosed yet, that she must have bp2 and experienced an hypomania , she asked me for help at once over im message but i did not see it, i tried to alert friends and family later but got kicked back, or no answer, what can i do that she goes evaluated or at least speak to someone,

i guess i have to get better, to finish my grieving for this loss, i still worry about her and how she can put herself in danger, i still love her basically but i think i would need true marks of involment from her to eventually rebuild something, it has been so far sometimes i feel i should run away, i m still lost i guess, as i feared for my life due to the sickness, not being able to understand what was going on, i might have ptsd myself, i can cry or be shaked by a strange noise or anxious, untrustful to people, lonely....  As this was super violent, i m not medicated nor therapy, i try the hard way, gym, sleep, no substance, meditation, reading and re working smoothly, should i consult ? I feel i don t know who i am anymore, what i want or need, i jut live in a warrior mode, eat work rest, no emotions,  no good times, war zone mode but i m fed of it now,

i feel very isolated, people around me tell me you ll get better in time, forget about it, my friends say she is the b***, she tells story i would be violent to her, or a loser at the time, a faker etc, i don t care so much but it hurts as i can t tell which part is the disease speaking, which is the true self believing these theories to cope with the uncontrolled situations, i feel she is all cleaned up now and that she wants to start a new life again,

wow that was long but it felt good to lay down here,

anyway, my small input here is that i read a lot about 6-7 years timeframes before things burn in flames, and remembering psychology courses saying childhood personalities are built until 7 years old, i was wondering that bp disorder could be inconscious cycling from 0 to 7 years , repeating moments from birth to abuse and then fight the abuse by a violent catharsis projected on the loved or close ones at the moments, because i feel after the hypomania part, there is like a rebirth, an innocent child starting a life of kindness, with kid s eyes and seing the world all beautiful,neven very naive, innocent...i feel i ll love her forever but is this the life i want, is this a destiny? i want kids, a regular family, how can she be not realizing, how can she not be craving for help openly ? Did she pushed me away to protect me ? Not to face what she did ?

Am i going to bet on a very dangerous path for a complicated life ? For tears and cryings so often ? could that fit to bp disorder or could that mean something else ? Is the narcissist part attached to the bp disorder ?

until now, i feel you brothers and sisters, this is a part of life i did not know and what a journey my friends, i feel more for emotionnal disorders people, that must be truly hell on earth, stay strong, stay manly, hold you head out of the water, seek support, this shall pass...

on the same perspective, i'm feeling she has randomly done some things for me, attention, intimate moves, cuddles, would often be initiated by me only,

all my life perspectives are changing, i m even considering involving in mental health supporting activities,

send you love and energies

until now

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20Feb/152

Help

I have been reading a lot of posts on here and it's the exact thing in dealing with. My wife was given bipolar meds about 10 years ago and stopped taking them. We have been married 8 months and she is a severe alcoholic. She recently finally went to rehab twice and while she was there, they gave her bipolar meds again. She refuses to accept she is bipolar and has started drinking again.  But all of the things noted on here are her same actions. One hour she's so lucky and I'm the best husband ever, her best friend, her everything...etc. The next I'm terrible and she wants a divorce. I have been so patient with this but the thing I can't get over is her constant need of attention from other men. She hadn't done anything physical s of now....that I know of and I watch her closely bc of the alcohol, but when we R bad she texts or calls other men to get approval like they want her or something. That's the only thing I cannot stand as if I did that she would lose her mind. I even tested it one day and acted like I did to show her, and she was crying and it was terrible. I thought after that it would stop but her drinking and the bipolar is just out of control. IM about 2 days away from filing for divorce and the only reason I haven't is bc I know it's not her and it's the drinking with her illness bc when she's sober..yes we have issues but small and I can deal with those...she's a complete diff person and amazing. But recently it's all the time and I just can't take it anymore. There's a million other things that have happened but this is the one I can't put up with...does anyone have any suggestions?

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20Feb/152

Thought I was alone, felt like it

Almost by accident I stumbled on these posts and am speechless.  Many of the posts describe nearly word for word the situation I am in.  I have been married 16 years with a 15 year old son.  Not sure if my wife was ever "diagnosed" as depressed but her GP put her on citalopram (40mg daily) several years ago.  This same GP has also given her prescriptions for (among other things) adderal, ambien, vicodin and many other drugs.  She has also continued to drink alcohol while on the citalopram, but never to excess.  Approximately 4 years ago her moods begin to swing more often and to greater highs and lows.  Finally during one particular low point she became violent.  Throwing furniture,  saying horrible things etc...  Once I got her all calmed down I looked and realized she hadn't taken her citalopram in 2-3 weeks.  That episode seemed to scare her back on the medication and she was better for a year or so.  Slowly she has gotten to the point where I feel she may be bi polar.  The mood swings started to become noticeably more frequent, and severe.  5 years ago there was nothing more important to her than her family.  Our son, myself and her parents and sister.  About a year ago she completely cut off all communication and ties to her parents and sister, saying some horrible, hurtful, truly awful things to them and demanding they do not contact her.  I've asked her many times what the conflict was, and she will never give me a reason.  They began calling me looking for explanation and I had none.  The family and I believe that an estranged member of the family (wife's aunt, who she speaks with regularly) has "planted" ideas in my wife that she was molested (with her mothers consent) when she was very young.  The family vehemently denies this ever happened.  In the past 3 months things have gone from bad, to horrific.  I received a call last Friday from an attorney indicating she has filed for divorce.  A couple weeks ago, I told her I thought that might be our only option and she told me "we will never get divorced".  And then I find out she filed for divorce 10 days before Christmas??  And told our son about it by saying, "you'll find out sooner or later, I am divorcing your father".  She has blown up at him for no particular reason and said things like "you think I'm crazy" and "you need a new mom".  At the suggestion of a therapist I was seeing, I contacted her GP and told her waht was going on and what I suspected.  HUGE mistake.  This enraged her as I "went behind her back" and "attempted to brand her as a drug addict".  I have been keeping track of her medication and of the last 110 days she has missed 39 days of the citalopram.  Every single thing in her life that is bad, is because of something, or someone else.  She always had a strong spiritual faith, but now she has gospel music playing 24/7 wherever she is and insists on praying over every facet of day to day life.  She downloads hundreds of inspirational messages a week all with the same theme of how strong she is when surrounded by evil/weakness/disbelievers.  We have seen a couples therapist 3 times now.  First together, then each of us individually.  I shared my concern with the therapist about the medication, the symptoms and my belief that she may be bi polar.  The therapist then shared this with her and 2 days later she filed for divorce.  Before she filed for divorce, She (without my knowledge) took our son's passport, birth certificate and Soc security info and hid them.  She will not say why, but I am assuming she thought I was going to snatch our almost 16 year old and run away to bora bora or something (there is absolutely no history in our marriage of me even threatening something of this nature).  I have found she put tracking software on my phone and computer, she has accused me of having an affair with someone I haven't even heard from in about 8 years, she has accused me of stealing or mis managing our money when in reality, I have discovered she has been sending money to the aforementioned estranged aunt, and has made large purchases without my knowledge or consent.  Last night she was in bed, watching tv and I fell asleep about 10:30.  She didn't fall asleep until about 5 am.  She was up and going through our son's cell phone.  I know because she sent me a copy of a text I had sent him about her "behavior".  We have another meeting with the therapist next week where I plan to lay it on the line and hopefully the therapist backs me up.  I am not all that confident in that however as she is one of those "let's talk about the communication breakdown" types.  I don't know if what kind of experience she has with something like this.

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17Dec/140

26years no more

on the 28th we would have celebrated 26 years of marriage like some of u i see that it started some short time after childbirth was accused of having affairs right from the get go and i never strayed from this woman she has had numerous hospitalizations with diagnoses starting with post partum depression now 26 years later its supposedly bipolar.
The best part of it was i was a mental health worker on psychiatric in patient units for 12 years. Every one of the nurses social workers i worked with were all the ones i was having all of these wonderful affairs with in 2 different states.
Over the years the diagnoses have changed from depression to shizoaffective disorder to early onset dementia to now bipolar.
She has been on many antipsychotics over the years and has been waited on all the time by me and now her adult children.
Her paranoia is so bad she stopped having joint accounts with me i.e. banking and has now left as she thinks the boys 21 and 24 are covering for me and my affairs wrong numbers called back and threatened she has physically acted out hit me on my head with bottle causing stitched and emergency detentions in psych units with threats of suicide and physically hitting me resulting in 3 admissions for overdose of meds and jail time for assault on myself and police.
There is no reaching through her paranoia she even callers her friends and threatens them.
Police here think its a marital problem but its a psych problem she refuses to let me or the kids be involved in any form of treatment with shrink or counselor so we have said good bye to her as have her friends and family she even told my eldery mother she is glad my father died last year she has went to far what more can i do?

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17Dec/140

BP: The backdoor to Hell

I have so much empathy and compassion for all of the husbands, wives, and families out there who are suffering with this horrible condition. My beautiful wife and I are also suffering from her condition. She has rapid cycling BP2, generalized anxiety disorder, she's alcoholic, and is currently going through menapause.

We were married on (date omitted) after dating for 2 years. She had 2 small children when we met, and was going through a divorce caused, in part, by an affair that she had (Red Flag #1).
My wife was on anxiety medication back then because, as she said, she had difficulty living with her abusive husband who was causing her to have panic attacks.
During our first couple of years, all seemed well. She stayed on anxiety medication for her panic disorder. We traveled a lot and went to Vegas often. Whenever we went to the bars and lounges, she got drunk after only 2 drinks (Red Flag #2). Whenever she drank, she often flirted with others, seeming to forget that she was married (Red Flag #3). I didn't want to come across as a jealous, insecure husband, so I just laughed and "let her, be her".
About 15 years ago when we were in Vegas, I became perplexed as to why she always seemed to get drunk after only 1 or 2 drinks, so, when she went to the restroom, I secretly followed her.  She didn't go to the restroom, she went to the bar and ordered a shot for herself. When I walked up behind her, she denied the whole thing, and even said that she didn't order it. That was Red Flag #4, but it was my first real WTF moment. She maintained her innocence for years after that, and we really never discussed it after that.
After her kids grew up and out of the house, she developed empty nest syndrom, and we both looked for a change in life. She went to a retreat in (location omitted), and came back a "new person". She suggested that we sell our big house, our fancy cars, our boat, that we downsize, quit our $300,000/yr financial planning business, and start a new and "simple life" in (location omitted) (Red Flag #5).
We did just that. We sold almost everything for pennies on the dollar, and U-Hauled our remaining belongings to a small 2 bedroom apartment in (location omitted) (Red Flag #6).
Long story short... We partied with new friends in (location omitted) for a 4th of July get together, and we were offered the chance to try cocaine. My wife jumped in and went for it. Over the next year or so, my wife was heavy into self-medicating with cocaine, extacy, alcohol, GHB, nitrous oxide, and weed. I had no support group or help from friends or family to get me through this, my wife was the alpha-female of our relationship, and I dove head first into the drug scene with her mainly to numb myself from the hell of her condition. We got involved in drugs to the point that we were self-medicating every single week. One weekend, my wife overdosed and was transported to the ER on life-support. She recovered fully, and we slowed down on our self-medicating, which was taking a heavy, heavy toll on our marriage, our health, and on our savings.
We were trying to get a real estate investment business off the ground, and were funding the business with our 401K, and our savings, with virtually no income, since we quit our financial planning business to move to (location omitted).
My wife developed more panic attacks and eventially went to a psychiatrist where she was put on Prozac for depression. My wife came clean with me then and said that she had been secretely using cocaine behind my back.
After 3 years in (location omitted), our business failed. We were virtually broke with no retirement, savings, assets, insurance, or income. We purchased an RV, and, on 6/6/06, we left (location omitted) with our 3 small dogs, and the clothes on our back to... Where ever.
We lived on the road in our RV and worked minimum wage jobs for the next 2 horrible and miserable years. We finally ended up in a +55 RV Park in (location omitted), financially and emotionally broke, and with my wife's mental health in free fall. She left me to stay with her mother in (location omitted), where her mental health continued to decline. Her mother told me that she felt that my wife was suicidal. That was when I began to research her condition to understand what BP was all about.
With my wife in (location omitted), I spent hundreds of hours researching everything I could about BP.  With a reasonable understanding of what I was facing, I took the bull by the horns, and asked her to come "home", get clean, get proper treatment, and to work things out in our marriage.
She came back to (location omitted) and, during one of our talks, she told me that she had an affair when we were living in (location omitted). She told this me as an attempt to come clean and start new... not to hurt me. I never held her affair against her, even though I was cut to the core.
Months later, she went back to (location omitted) for her son's wedding. Her son called me and told me that my wife/his mom, got drunk after the wedding and tried to get his bride into bed (another one of many WTF drunken BP moments).
She's been on a variety of medications to control her symptoms. She's had many, many, many episodes of alcohol induced psychotic events. I've been called by the police to come get her from the shopping center and take her home during her bouts of alcohol induced psychosis, I've picked her up from the shopping center when she's too drunk/psychotic to drive home. She's wrecked the car because of her drinking and her psychosis, and most recently, she flew back to (location omitted) for a family reunion, where she drank on the airplane, lied to me about it after she landed, and then proceeded to make a complete fool out of her drunken psychotic self in front of her mom, her kids, and her entire family. After the reunion, one of her sons didn't speak to her for one month, and her brother still won't speak to her because of her inappropriate behavior during the reunion. Yes, it was tragic. Yes, it's part of what BP is all about. Yes, that event is what finally caused her to pay FULL attention to what her condition was doing to her, to her husband, to her kids, to her family, and to her future.
Here's a bright spot! She is currently seeing her psychiatrist on a regular basis and she takes her medications under my close supervision.  She is fully aware that her continued drinking and self-medicating will cause an end to our marraige, and she has made a comitment to stop self-medicating.
We now own a successful business that we both work in. Our future will remain extremely challenging with her condition, but I remain optimistic that there will be a "cure" for PB someday. We are taking a marraige therapy course to help us through our marital issues.
It's been a 25 year ride from hell, and we've shed many, many, many tears. It will continue to be a wild ride, and there will be many more tears that will be shed. BP is a daily struggle that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Am I optimistic that things will improve? No. We will only win battle this when a true "cure" for BP is found. Medication and therapy only makes the condition manageable, but just barely.
If you've just gotten into a relationship with a sufferer of BP, I would highly suggest that you carefully consider how you want to spend the rest of your life. PB is bigger than you are... Much bigger! BP is an evil, evil disease that destroys relationships and families, and has it's roots firmly planted in the deepest and darkest corners of hell. My heart will always go out to all of the sufferers of BP.
The facts are true, however the locations have been omitted to ensure confidentiality.
Peace.

 

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20Oct/144

Why do I love this woman?

New to the site. Found it by googling "what should I do if my wife is bipolar?"

Anyway, most of the time my wife and I are great. We got married in July after dating 8 months. Her problem reared its head early on but for some reason I just love this woman. I've also adopted (not legally, but effectively) her son she had when she was very young. He calls me daddy and has never had a father figure in his life. She woman had no real life plan before me. She was working a dead end job and living with her cousin because her mother passed away and father was never around. She grew up with an abusive stepfather, and has told me she was never happy at all until she met me. Now that we are married, I am now the "abuser." I am not at all abusive, but she insists all I do is cut her down and treat her horribly. We recently moved about 3 hours from our home to a new city so I can go to law school.

Now, I have confided in a few friends and family our troubles and wondered if I'm crazy and I just can't see how I'm abusive. Neither can they. I'm not at all abusive. I've spent thousands on this woman to make her happy, I'm a good father by her own admission to her son, and in general do anything I can to help her be happier and make her life easier. I even got her a very easy pay by the job legal job that takes about 2 hours a day to make way more than she's ever made before so she can spend more time with her son and basically be a housewife and still make money.

Last night we spent the evening carving pumpkins as a family, and this morning she woke up on a hell bent mission to get a divorce and prove I'm a horrible person. Every time she gets upset it's always the D word. After being married 3 months. This happens about once a week, some worse than others. Usually, its her drinking that sets her off. She gets totally shit faced wasted, and doesn't even remember the awful things she says to me, often in front of her son (who is autistic by the way). I myself do not prefer drinking, rather I like to smoke weed (legal in my state). I never get crazy and I am more of a quiet type and she is pretty extroverted. I feel like my weed smoking, in her mind, makes it okay for her to get wasted (like drinking 2 bottles of wine in a couple hours) because I'm smoking. But I don't do horrible things when I smoke, and when she's sober and I try to talk to her about it, that's a fight. In her mind, she honestly believes that I'm the bad guy.

And other times she tells me how lucky she is, that she's so happy she's found a father for her son and loves me so much, etc. Just prior to writing this post she told her son that he wasn't going to go by my last name anymore, and he wasn't going to see my mother (his grandmother) on Christmas because I am so mean to her. I'm so distraught. I do not know what to do. She doesn't see that it's in her mind and I am not a bad person. I've been a powerful force of good in her life. I honestly feel I made a mistake marrying her. I can't afford a divorce, but I know there has to be someone out there who is a better match for me. I'm afraid with her propensity of calling for a divorce, that once I'm actually an attorney making money, that she will file and I'll be stuck paying alimony and child support for a child that isn't even mine. I also don't want to go through a divorce right now because I'm in the middle of my first semester of law school and it itself is a huge amount of stress. I hate my life.

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6Oct/147

Bipolar wife leaving me – not her bipolarism?! :(

I have been married to my wife for 6 years and we have been great friends for 12 years.

I always knew my wife was unhappy but recently she's told me that the last 3-4 years; she has been unhappy being with me.

After we had our little girl, she became depressed and as a husband I failed to see the signs and chose to ignore them rather than to be there with my wife.

I don't even recall her approaching me about the subject, but being that I felt like our life was a series of unhappy moments, I chalked it up to just that; her being unhappy.

She met a colleague, male, and has become infatuated with him.  He is wealthier than I am, they seem to connect easier; however he has two beautiful children and a beautiful wife and so much ahead of him.

She insists that her feelings for him are purely friendly, yet she claims that in another life with different circumstances she'd of rather been with him.

I helped my wife as much as I could, and still after her announcing to me that she wants to leave me, I can't help but feel happy around her.

We currently live in the same house since we do not currently have the finances to move on into different homes.

I always expected to live the rest of my days with this woman.  Beautiful, caring, willing to do almost anything for anyone.

I am concerned if she is taking her medication but she has been keeping me at a good distance so it's difficult for me to keep her in check.  I feel like I am crossing boundaries and have her blow up if I bring it up, bringing this already fragile friendship we currently have to an end.

It's been 2 weeks and I am still infatuated with her.

I am concerned over the well being of our 4 year old daughter, because if we decide that the best thing will be shared custody, it's important that my child is raised with love and respect.  My wife tends to raise her a voice quite a lot with her, where-as I tend to get frustrated and just ask my daughter not to have myself repeated.

I've never screamed, yelled or hit either of the two.

The worst part of this, is that she does NOT believe her illness is what is making her believe she's sad with me.  Sure, I wasn't always there.  I didn't know how to approach her anymore.  She claims I'm still a great and supportive husband, a great and loving father; but she can't find it in her to give me a chance.

I have an addictive personality and although I don't typically drink or do drugs, I don't smoke; I happened to play a lot of videogames that kept me distant from my wife all those years she needed me most.

Now that she's gone and slowly destroyed my concept of a married life, she's also been party to wrecking this other man's marriage.  I don't keep up with their details anymore, I'm not a control freak, but I do know that she expresses her want for him and his touch on a daily basis.

I am infatuated with my wife.  Addicted to her.  To see her spiral herself into something she may never be able to come out from, is scary.  I love her more than I could love anyone else.  She didn't get what she wanted from our relationship and I'm constantly wondering if I could have done something better.

Her friends and family encourage the behavior and valour her for being strong and independent when I know for a fact that on her own, she's going to be a wreck for both herself and our daughter.

I keep wishing that it's all a bad dream, that I can regain my trust in her and her in me.  But the fact remains that she has gone against everything her therapist and husband have told her, yet she keeps telling herself we are all wrong.

Part of me wants to believe that we are wrong.  But I know better.

I just hope that others who read this will know that although you may love your wife unconditionally, and that everything you seek in her seems real; she does have an agenda.  She does like to manipulate.  And unless she seeks medical help, there is nothing for you to do.

Bipolars believe they are the only ones who are right.  They believe that what they are doing can't be questioned or targeted.  Ironically, if they put this mentality to their work lives, they become incredibly efficient and organized and build strong leadership skills...the problem is that they tend to break down very quickly and within short time they may regret what they've done when it's too late.

I still love my wife and will love her until the day I die.  I just wish she could feel the same about me.  Bipolarism, not the person, is a bitch.

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